I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
