i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
