she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
