I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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