using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
