mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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