Just cropdusted the office
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
