just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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