Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
