Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
