brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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