Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
