I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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