I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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