nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
