just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
