She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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