Yo dont text me then not text me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
