There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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