i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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