thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
