I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just puked most of my soul out..
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