Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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