i don't like sucking hair
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
