Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
