Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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