she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
