My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
