That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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