ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
