Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
