fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
