he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
