haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
