he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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