Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
