Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
