i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
