just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
