Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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