just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I pour the whiskey from now on
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
