they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
