your thong is hanging out like whoa
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
