If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
