ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
