you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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