Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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