yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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