so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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