I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
