ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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