I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sext me about skeletons
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
