y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
