I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
